Another complicating myth is that boys sexually abused by men become homosexual. In fact, boys who are sexually abused may grow up to be heterosexual, gay, or bisexual. Most researchers believe that sexual orientation is rooted in factors having nothing to do with sexual victimization, and in most cases has already been well established before a boy is abused. But, while sexual abuse does not determine sexual orientation, many sexually abused boys and men become very confused or feel negatively about both their sexual orientation and their sexual functioning in general.
Caution: The following may contain language and thoughts that you might think are just not PC (politically correct). Well, skip this then. A sexist story by Scott Winokur titled, "New Wave of litigation expands women's rights to the bedroom" in the San Francisco Chronicle story and goes on to talk about a woman who received herpes simplex type 2 from her lover. She sued for sexual battery, negligent misrepresentation and intentional infliction of emotional stress. The article went on to cover chlamydia, papilloma virus, gonorrhea and syphilis (genital warts, yeast infection, etc.) What it neglected to say was that, chances are, the man got the infection from a woman. Isn't that interesting. Now, he probably won't sue her because men seldom go after women for money. I received herpes simplex type 2 from a professional woman who I later found out had the virus. She didn't inform my before we had sex, and claimed she couldn't have given it to me. Since I wasn't having sex with anyone else, I could have gotten it from stress. But, I doubt it. And, condoms didn't prevent it. It appears at the base of the penis in the same location as it appeared on her vagina. As the headline denotes, the way the law looks at it is that it's a woman's right to sue for receiving, but don't dare sue her if you're a man and a recipient! And women wonder why it's so hard for many men to trust them. But, if I become famous, you'll write a book about our private life, our sexual life, what will they think of next? And you want me to commit? Commitment is an "I lose, you win" word. One of the interesting lines in the story was very telling. Saying that Sexual Harassment cases became big because plaintiffs could get big awards from deep-pocket corporations, it goes on to say "But in STD cases, the sole source of recovery is the individual defendant, whose vulnerability to being sued is grater depending on HIS assets..." (Capitalization is mine.) What about HER assets? Another case in law, like domestic violence, stalking, visitation, sexual harassment, statutory rape, where, if the man is the victim, for the most part, those are the breaks. The law, the police, social services, you name it, just aren't there. It goes on to say that "The perfect defendant...is "independently wealthy, often times married with a family, eager to keep the matter confidential and willing to spend big bucks." Sort of a case of legal blackmail, wouldn't you say. However, "The prospect of getting a limited financial recovery or none at all from men of lesser means - while serving as a reality check on the hopes of sexually damaged women - hasn't halted their determined march to the courtroom." Continuing the "he" story, "...it may be difficult to prove the prospective defendant actually had the disease because HIS medical records may be unobtainable." "... it doesn't necessarily follow that HE was the partner who infected the plaintiff." "Moreover, a jury may be likely to think that an STD victim...'takes HER chances'." Women AND men are victims in the area of STD's. We get them from each other. Just another example of the law keeping women victims once again.
This still occurs a decade later and reflects what I was discussing earlier. A 14 year old boy is having "sex" with a 30 year old woman and it was "consensual". For example this sentence from a newspaper report about a 40 year old woman convicted of sexually abusing a 15 year old boy she was hired to babysit "The almost year-long relationship continued even after Ms. Collins and her family moved to Moncton in September 2004." Relationship? The woman was given a 2 year sentence and served it in the community. Do you think a male offender who was babysitting a 15 year old girl and had sexually abused her in excess of 100 times would have gotten such a sentence? The stereotypes about women and mothers creeps into almost every aspect of how we perceive this issue.
This case has a heading on the story that I wish more papers would use. It states "Woman who raped boy..." and that is how it should read. Sadly in the first sentence it then says "A Wheatfield woman who had a sexual relationship with an adolescent boy...". The comments from the victims mother and the assisstant DA are interesting and I am happy they printed them:LOCKPORT A Wheatfield woman Oprah Show looking for people who had been sexually abused by a Female
Overall, childhood sex abuse showed the most widespread effect on long-term psychological health, with these men being twice as likely to report disorders like depression and anxiety and nearly four times as likely to have tried to kill or harm themselves.
Mother-Son sexual abuse
This is the follow up to the Mother-Daughter sexual abuse post. I started off doing these because of a communication I had with a reader. In talking he gave me permission to print (he read it before it appeared here) some of his story in hopes that other men will benefit from his speaking out. So I am summarizing and paraphrasing some of what he has told me. I am calling him Joe though that is not his name:
Joe was raised by a single mother and never knew who his biological father was or is. For most of his childhood things seemed to be "normal" to him. His mother appeared to have a lot of short term boyfriends but other than that things seemed fine. The sexual abuse by his mother did not begin until he was about 12 years old and started to enter puberty. That is when his life changed and his life became a nightmare of abuse and secrecy.
Joe told me that he felt trapped with no one to turn to for help. Joe did not think anyone would believe him even if he did tell someone and he was full of shame and guilt and secretly thought that this was all his fault and he had somehow caused his mother to be this way towards him.
Dube, S. R., et al. (2005). Long-term consequences of childhood sexual abuse by gender of victim. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 28, 430-438.
-Â Abused Boys research papers discuss the book by Mic Hunter, which is a classic sociology text that serves to treat an often neglected population, young male boys that have been sexually abused.
Krug, R. S. (1989). Adult male reports of childhood sexual abuse by mothers: Case descriptions, motivations and long-term consequences. Child Abuse and Neglect, 13, 111-119.
In a study of 17,337 survivors of childhood sexual abuse, 23% had a female-only perpetrator and 22% had both male and female perpetrators. ( Dube, Shanta R et al. Long-Term Consequences of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Gender of Victim. American Journal of Preventive Medicine. (2005):28(5), p 430 438.)